Day 12 - My Father Can't Say My Name

Visiting my dad yesterday really took its toll on me. He seems to slip into child mode quite often and he gets temperamental and moody. We have to repeat what we say to him and we have to put up with his moodswings. Plus, his attention span is so short! It gets frustrating at times. I was a tad suspicious if he really did recognise me and when my mum asked my dad who I was, he just looked at me, scrunched up his face as though he were thinking real hard and then he just looked away.

My mum asked again, pointing at me. She asked if he knew who I was. He gave a positive response this time but when she asked him for my name, he couldn't say it. He looked like he was trying to get it out but he just couldn't. He whispered something in my mum's ears and she told me that he managed to say half of my name. She asked again and according to her he managed to whisper my name. According to her. I think she was just being nice because by that time tears were freely streaming down my face. I was a wreck. My own dad can't say my name! At that point, I didn't even know if he recognised me.

What made it worse was when my brother came and my mum asked my dad who that was. My dad could say my brother's name without even any hesitation. I lost it again. Both my mum and brother were trying to coax me by saying that my dad has trouble articulating certain letters. But how could I not get affected? How could I not feel like my world just ended there? My own dad can't say my name!

About an hour later, when no one was by his side, but me. I asked him if he knew who I was. No response. I asked him this time, who I was to him. He looked at me and said, "My daughter la." Better than nothing, yes? At least he recognised me but it killed me that he could not articulate my name.