Day 30 - Update

According to the physiotherapist, Daddy has steady hands. When he does the activities during occupational therapy, he does them well and with a certain precision to it. Well, he does repair watches. Job hazard, perhaps?

His main concern is that Daddy has no sensation below the right ankle; which means that he can’t rotate the ankle. He can lift his leg but his ankle just dangles. That just means that he's using his thigh muscles / leg muscles and there's no connection to the ankle. This is why he has trouble walking because he can't apply pressure to his right foot.

Once that issue is settled, Daddy can come home. It's been 30 days.

Day 27 - Still Having Fever

I can't believe how negligent the nurses are. They do not bother to check on Dad eventhough he has a high fever. Thank goodness Shereen's parents were there to inform the nurses. Plus, they gave them an earful as well.

Dad almost seems delirious when he speaks to us. We ask him something and he rambles on about something else. It is quite disturbing but I spoke to the doctor in charge and he said that the delirium is most likely caused by the high fever and that it is nothing we should be worried about. Daddy's fine when he doesn't have the fever but when the fever does strike, he just lies in bed, so motionless and so lifeless.

They think that it could be a bacterial infection or a virus. But if it is a virus, that would mean that we too would have it as we've been in close proximity to Dad. He spoke about collecting a culture... bacteria culture... The antibiotics that Daddy's on is not effective so they want to, by process of elimination, figure out what type of bacteria it is, then administer the right antibiotics. Does that make sense? I hope so.

Day 26 - Dad's Condition Worsens

You've probably noticed by now that I'm not updating this on a daily basis. I don't want to bore you with mundane stories / detail unless it is of vital importance. Plus, sometimes I get so distracted that I lose track of the days or forget what happened during visiting hours. I'm not a journalist.

Daddy had a very high fever today - 39 degress ++. That is insane! It's either a virus or an infection that's struck him. The nurses took a sample of his blood this morning for testing and no word till now. That's either good news or they're so damn lazy.

I can't stand that place anymore! The nurses are rude, irresponsible and they lack initiative. This is in comparison to TTSH nurses. We love the TTSH nurses. They're compassionate, understanding, approachable and have so much initiative that it amazes me! It is part of their job scope to be that efficient but to be that good... that's something else. And when we got here, these nurses pale in comparison!

I understand that they are training the caregivers by getting them to feed the patients, give the medication to the patients etc but there's training and then there's shifting responsibility. I find their lack of care and /or concern for the patients highly disturbing. And now, Daddy is sick. Very sick because of them.

Yesterday, he was well. Sitting upright and reading the papers. Today, he was in a vegetative state. How can that not be a cause for concern? The nurses seem to be taking this drastic change in his state so lightly. Neither the nurses nor the doctors realised that my father was having a high fever until after my mum told them once their daily rounds were done. So much negligence on their part!

He was so weak that I had to feed him porridge today. I had to hold back my tears. It was very painful seeing my dad in that condition. He couldn't speak or move because he was too weak to do either. The monkeys were dumb enough to serve him chicken chop with oranges! He has a fever! Are you trying to make it worse?? Thank goodness my mum bought porridge for him, else he'd have gone without dinner. The nurses just left the dinner there, expecting him to feed himself. LOOK AT HIM! In that state, how is he to feed himself?! What a bunch of morons.

Day 24 - Love Never Fades

What I witnessed today made my heart fill with so much warmth and I had to cover my mouth to silence my "awwwww".

Mum gave Dad a haircut today. It was beautiful watching the 2 of them. It was like a well-choreographed dance. When Mum took out the scissors, Dad stopped reading the papers and placed some around him. She put a towel around his neck and he took off his glasses. She sat by his side and he tilted his head for her to get a better angle. Both of them were smiling to themselves. It was not a wide grin but a simple, satisfied smile.

Neither of them said a word and I watched on, also smiling to myself.

Day 23 1/2

Giving Dad the handphone was a bad idea. He's called 7 times so far. It's barely 11 in the morning.

• What time are you coming?
• Are you going to school today?
• Don't forget my jelly.
• Who's coming?

GAH!

Day 23 - Daddy Day Care

We visited Daddy in the evening and found him strapped to his bed. Again. Apparently he became agitated and insisted on leaving the bed. Again. So the nurses did what they had to do and now Daddy wants to speak to the Director and have them fired. I'm guessing all is still not too clear up there for him.

The place is rather empty and quiet and far away from civilization. Well, not really. It's right next to Anderson Primary but it is far from where we stay. So there. Everyone there is there for rehab... so no sicknesses of any kind. Just frustrated individuals who want to go home to their families and Daddy is one of them. It is frustrating repeating ourselves to him, telling him that this is only for his own good. That he should be patient. That he needs to get strong and that he needs to listen to the nurses. All that is on repeat. Daily.

There is this Indian chap in the bed across from him so at least Daddy's not too lonely. We gave Daddy his cellphone so that he can contact us whenever necessary.

Rehab will only start tomorrow and the doctors will then decide if the catheter should be removed.

Day 22 - Just One Day Left

We went over to the shop in the afternoon to pack up his things and to try our luck at cracking the safe. It is a good safe. Daddy thinks that if he were to sit in front of his safe, he should be able to open it. We might try that once Daddy is in rehab and when he can go on field trips.

It is beginning to sink in, what happened to him and he may be realising that it was all work stress that caused the rupture. But he has no recollection of that day at all, still. He does remember that Mummy was to arrive from Bangkok that night and that's about all he recalls.

Day 21 - Just Waiting It Out

We're just waiting for Monday so that Dad can get into rehab and start getting better. He is getting so frustrated and aggravated that he's shouting at almost everybody... except for the nurses. Mum receives the most, somehow.

Daddy managed to get into a wheelchair and Jeeshan wheeled him around for a little bit. I think he felt better, not having to be cooped up in those 4 walls. But when he returned, he complained that it was too cold.

Daddy's improving a whole lot. He's far more articulate than before and he is gaining his strength. He can lift the right leg a wee bit off the chair but it is still very weak.

We'll be heading down to the shop tomorrow to start packing up. The end of the month is approaching, we don't want to have to pay another month's rent.

Day 20 - Transfer

Finally!! Dad's going to get transferred to the Ang Mo Kio rehab centre on Monday. It's confirmed. He is pretty annoyed that he has to stay a couple more days. He insists that he can recuperate at home for the time being and that we can all help to hold him to help him walk.

Dad is a lot more focused and clearer in thought and in speech! Yay! He is getting really chatty too.

I got him socks yesterday and he's been telling it to everyone and anyone that visits or questions about the socks :p

Day 19 - Revelation

Mummy told Daddy what happened on that fateful Saturday. He was in complete shock and disbelief. He can't recall falling, the ride in the ambulance to the hospital, nor being in the ICU. He was stunned and kept silent for a very long time, trying to digest it all in.

Mummy also told him that his family, friends etc have been visiting him on a daily basis and that brought tears to his eyes.

Daddy has always been a reserved person and he kept to himself mostly. It was a pleasant surprise for me to see the throngs of people that came to visit him. Everyone who visited kept on saying how he's such a good man, they enjoy talking to him as he's so polite and patient, that this shouldn't have happened to him and that they are keeping him in their prayers. It is wonderful to know that Daddy has so many dear friends that care so much for him.

Day 18 - A Complicated Man He Is

Dad’s just the sweetest. He was having his dinner when midway through, he told the nurse that the other half is for me. He insisted that he was full and told the nurse to push the tray over to my side. He also told her to get me a drink. When I declined and said that I had already taken my dinner, he asked the nurse to keep it aside for me and to heat the plate later when I got hungry again.

Dad's also just the oddest. Moments later, he said that he wanted to buy 4D – 3***. He then proceeded on to ramble a cell number – 90** ****. He said it belonged to a Mr Goh. He continued to ramble the number over and over again before asking me to call the number for him. As it turns out, Mr Goh is the guy Dad calls when he wants to buy 4D. Of all the numbers to recall! Honestly. We need PIN number and safe number, Dad!

Day 17 - Daddy's So Stubborn

Daddy still can't recall facts / details. So guess you're right, Fabian! I'm pretty sure the brothers have given up with asking for the safe combination and pin number. Daddy insists that he recalls the numbers but when probed further, he says he'll tell us the next day. Oh well.

It was tough when we had to leave today. Daddy wanted to leave with us and tried to get out of bed! We lied. We told Daddy that we'd be downstairs having tea and we'd return later. When we were at the Kopitiam, Daddy even called Mummy's cell from the hospital bed's telephone and demanded that she go back upstairs. Heh.

Turns out that Kwong Wai Shiu does not have the necessary facilities needed for Daddy's rehabilitation. So Daddy will be sent to the one at Ang Mo Kio - Thye Hua Kwan Hospital. Further away and more expensive. But it's for Daddy :)

Day 16 - Daddy's A Fighter

I didn't visit Daddy today as I had to attend the PTM (1 - 8 pm). So what I can tell you is from what I heard from Mummy.

Apparently Daddy was insisting on going home. He managed to prop himself up and sit up all on his own. It did tire him so he laid himself down to rest. But it is amazing that he managed to hold onto the sides of the bed and carry himself up into a sitting position. The next step will be to walk but the right leg is almost immobile.

He was supposed to be transferred to Kwong Wai Shiu today but we are still awaiting an acceptance from the doctors there.

Here's where Daddy's stubborn side shows. Daddy's on a catheter but Daddy kept on insisting that he wanted to walk to the toilet to pee. Mummy tried to reason with him that he cannot walk and would just have to let it go. Daddy's solution was that Mummy could hold on to his hand and walk him to the toilet. He even called out to the nurses (very politely, of course) and told them to take him to the toilet. I'm amazed at the level of patience that the nurses have with their patients. I could never be a nurse.

When Mummy wanted to leave, Daddy grabbed onto Mummy's hand and insisted that she left only after he had peed. He was almost shouting at her. Eventually, she had to seek help from the nurses and she slipped out of the ward, undetected.

Day 15 - Anger & Frustration Sets In

Today's visit was interesting. It's obvious that Dad's frustrated with his situation and wants to go home. But I don't think he realises why he is in the hospital. When asked to recall what happened that Saturday, he has no recollection of that day. When asked if he had a fall, he looked at us with a blank expression on his face.

Shereen's father bought him a drawing pad for him to write on. We're hoping this would encourage him to recall the safe number and his pin number. I doodled on the cover page, "Hi Daddy! I love you! :) Parveen". I passed the pad to him and he wore his glasses and read the message out loud. When he came to my name, he looked surprised for a moment, turned to me, blushed and gave me a shy smile. Hee hee hee...

When we were about to leave and were packing up, he said, "Give my glasses to Parveen to keep." Then, "Put (the writing pad) in Parveen's bag." I thought it was so cute that he was still so paranoid about his possessions.

Daddy didn't say much today although he did look tired and aggravated. Only the cheerful nurses seem to be the only ones that are easily able to lift daddy's spirits.

Day 14 - More Questions Than Answers

Picking off from where I left off about my the day being Sunday each time my dad wakes up, tonight I believe it could be true. On occasion still, though.

Dad may be recalling, in bits and pieces, what happened on the morning of the incident. In the midst of us being there, he initiated conversation and said to us, "Yesterday morning I went..." Then he drifted off into La-La land. He does this sometimes; in mid-speech, he will drift off or get distracted and we would have to repeat what we had just said to him. But tonight, 2 things struck me. One, he was initiating conversation with us. Normally he would respond with monosyllabic responses to our questions. Two, there was something on his mind which he wanted to relay to us.

If he really did think that today was Sunday, "yesterday" must have been referring to the day of the incident. If he went somewhere, it could only be to the Polyclinic (Siraj will check on this by calling to enquire if Daddy really did go there that morning). But he didn't tell us... couldn't actually. From his expression and mannerism, it did seem like he was struggling to get the words out but I think the name of the place was at the back of his mind and he couldn't quite articulate it. This would be very valuable insight - was he home the whole morning or did he return and have the stroke?

Then (this sounds like a bad compo beginning) Daddy started to pull off the blanket that was covering his legs. When I asked where he wanted to go, he said that he wanted to find something. Enquiring further only frustrated both parties. But Daddy did say to me, "Do you remember..." and he kept on pointing behind him, saying repeatedly that it's behind him. He wanted to get off the bed, walk behind and get it, whatever it was. This tells me that either Daddy is not aware of his lack of mobility or that Daddy is in a hospital. This is real-life Cluedo.

And another thing, he has no sense of time. He can tell time, that's a different thing. Whenever we leave, we always say that we'll be back later and not the next day. When we do return, he has never questioned us on why we took so long. Siraj unfortunately, as we were going off, told Daddy that we'll be back tomorrow and immediately Daddy reacted strongly. TOMORROW? WHY? So Mummy intervened and said that we were going to reurn later; we were just going to have our dinner. Daddy calmed down after that. Again, I think Daddy is not aware that he is in a hospital.

I don't know. Too many questions. I just hope that I got everything which I think is vital down here.

Day 13 - Possible Short Term Memory Loss

I should blog on the day itself and not the day after. My memory fails me completely at the most critical of times.

My dad is improving a whole lot more! He's off the tube... well technically he pulled it out himself (the millionth time) and he is on transitional feeding which means the nurses are spoon feeding him. That is excellent news. Our main concern was that he really needed to learn how to swallow. Obvious reason is that once he can swallow, he will be able to consume real food to give him strength. The other reason is that articulation improves tremendously once the patient is able to swallow. Something to do with the movement of the tongue and using the throat muscles. Don't ask me, I got it off a movie; The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Great movie.

We are a lot more optimistic now and things are looking more hopeful. I have to admit that on some days I am ecstatic with how Dad's improving but there are days when I get depressed pondering if Dad will remain in this state till the end of his days.

Something is bothering me though. When Dad's best friend asked him what the day was, he answered, "Sunday". It was a Friday. I am aware that my father will not be able to tell what day it was. Thing is, the day he had a stroke was a Saturday. When he wakes up, he would think that it is now Sunday. Is that why he gave that answer? Will everyday that he wake up from be a Sunday for him?

Day 12 - My Father Can't Say My Name

Visiting my dad yesterday really took its toll on me. He seems to slip into child mode quite often and he gets temperamental and moody. We have to repeat what we say to him and we have to put up with his moodswings. Plus, his attention span is so short! It gets frustrating at times. I was a tad suspicious if he really did recognise me and when my mum asked my dad who I was, he just looked at me, scrunched up his face as though he were thinking real hard and then he just looked away.

My mum asked again, pointing at me. She asked if he knew who I was. He gave a positive response this time but when she asked him for my name, he couldn't say it. He looked like he was trying to get it out but he just couldn't. He whispered something in my mum's ears and she told me that he managed to say half of my name. She asked again and according to her he managed to whisper my name. According to her. I think she was just being nice because by that time tears were freely streaming down my face. I was a wreck. My own dad can't say my name! At that point, I didn't even know if he recognised me.

What made it worse was when my brother came and my mum asked my dad who that was. My dad could say my brother's name without even any hesitation. I lost it again. Both my mum and brother were trying to coax me by saying that my dad has trouble articulating certain letters. But how could I not get affected? How could I not feel like my world just ended there? My own dad can't say my name!

About an hour later, when no one was by his side, but me. I asked him if he knew who I was. No response. I asked him this time, who I was to him. He looked at me and said, "My daughter la." Better than nothing, yes? At least he recognised me but it killed me that he could not articulate my name.

Getting Ahead of Myself

I intended to start this some time back but you know how it goes. Maybe later... maybe later... and later never gets here.

I'm not going to give a detailed status update about my dad's condition, at least not in medical terms. My sole purpose of this blog is to keep track of my dad's condition and how the rest of the family (mainly myself) are coping with it.

A brief flashback. On October 31st, my brother found my dad lying on the toilet floor in a pool of blood, in an almost comatose-like state. Tonight will be 11 days since that incident and my dad's still in the hospital. He was in the ICU for 2 and a half days. We shifted him to the 'A' wards on Tuesday (3/11) in the mid-afternoon. On Monday (9/11) morning, we shifted him to the 'B1' wards and that's where he currently is.

His condition. My dad cannot sit or stand by himself. He has a cathater; one for food and one to remove his pee. He is able to move all of his limbs except for the right leg but his right hand is terribly weak. He cannot speak full sentences and can only say very few words: ok, fine, bye etc. Mainly monosyllabic words. He is currently undergoing speech and physiotherapy but we need to get him into a rehab centre for more extensive exercise.